My Experience with Therapy

The Scary “T” word: Therapy

As a Latinx kid growing up in a poor neighborhood, therapy was not accessible or socially acceptable. Seeking a therapist as an adult was especially hard because it was very foreign and I had to unlearn the negative connotation associated with therapy. No one wants to be labeled with “esta mal en la cabeza”. That’s not the mindset I have now, but growing up it definitely was. While pursuing therapy is one of the first steps to recovery,  the process to start therapy can be difficult. Read below for my experience with therapy.

Is it a Perfect Match?

First of all, finding a therapist is stressful. For one, it was not covered by my health insurance which meant paying out of pocket. I recognize that I am privileged to have an income that allows me to pay out of pocket for therapy sessions, but many people don’t have this financial privilege. My therapy sessions cost $150 per visit (1 hour long sessions- Ay Cabron!). 

Secondly, the process of finding a therapist is emotionally taxing. Finding a therapist is like dating, you have to make sure that they are a good match for you. I had to set up several free consultations before I found the right therapist. Sitting in vulnerability with a stranger as they probed me with questions was painful. The first couple times I felt like I was being judged for what I was sharing. I became discouraged and the more I began to think no one would understand my background or situation. I’d even encounter rude receptionists. “This shouldn’t be so hard”, I’d tell myself. I couldn’t find a therapist that I felt comfortable with and the therapists I did like were not taking more clients.

Finally, after a 30 minute free consultation with a therapist on the phone, I felt completely safe. I felt heard and her engagement was genuine instead of an awkward silence. So I made an appointment for our first in person meeting and I knew right away she was going to be the therapist for me.

It Takes Time to Open Up

Although I felt comfortable sharing things, therapy was still foreign to me. I grew up with a strong Mexican mother, but when it came to our feelings, well there was an unwritten rule that we didn’t speak about our feelings. We dealt with emotional turmoil in our Latinx household by ignoring them. Not surprisingly, opening up to a stranger was a little weird for me. It took roughly 5 sessions to begin to feel like I could really trust my therapist.

I was in therapy for about 9 months. On average, I’d visit my therapist once a week. However, I had some very severe triggers and panic attacks in the beginning and during this time my visits fluctuated between 2 – 3 visits per week. There isn’t a perfect formula out there that outlines the amount of visits needed to overcome your issues (believe me I looked everywhere). It is important to be patient and recognize when you might need the extra help.

Showing Up For Myself in Therapy

I needed to let my feelings happen, which was so hard for me. My whole life I grew up thinking that showing emotion was a sign of weakness, when really it was quite the opposite. Feeling the need to hide our true emotions is weak… being vulnerable is the truest act of strength. As time went on, I started to honor my emotions. This changed the game for me.

Gradually I became comfortable with talking about how I felt, not just about my trauma. I became more honest with myself and with others. I established clear boundaries for myself with work, family and friends. You know what else happened? As I began to honor my emotions and value myself, I stopped caring about what people thought of me. I relinquished the need to please others. By the end, I really started showing up for myself and damn it felt good.

Towards the end of my time in therapy, we began to taper off our visits to once every other week, then once a month until we both decided that we had done as much work together as we could. In those 9 months, I made groundbreaking realizations about myself and I learned how to mediate my Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Final Thoughts on Therapy

If you’re considering therapy, stay tuned. I will drop a blog post soon that specifically outlines the things I wish I would have known before starting therapy. We shouldn’t be ashamed to talk about mental health and I really want to make therapy a more approachable topic. Therapy shouldn’t be taboo.