Opening Up To Family About Therapy
Opening up to others about therapy is a personal decision. I felt really comfortable opening up to my friends and siblings about therapy. I was surprised to realize that the more I opened up about therapy, the more people were interested in it. Some friends were also in therapy, while others were considering starting therapy and asked me questions about my experience with it. Witnessing how others also want to improve themselves is incredibly powerful and has empowered me to shed more light on such a stigmatized subject.
Growing up in a Mexican household, therapy was not viewed with such positive enthusiasm. Once people heard that someone was attending therapy they would assume something was wrong with them. Esta mal en la cabeza, pobre criatura! Personally, I started therapy when I was in a transitional stage in my life. I was addressing the trauma from my relationship/marriage as well as learning to cope with my father’s tentative death. Seeing my therapist during this time helped me cope. Therapy provided perspective and taught me to be gentle with myself. I flourished in the months after therapy. I really wanted to have a conversation with my mom about therapy and how much it was helping me.
Opening Up to My Mom
My mom has been one of the biggest supporters in my life. I love her to death, yet she’s a bit old school. She is a practicing Catholic and attends mass at least twice a week, prefers not to discuss her feelings and has excellent chancla aim if I decide to act up. I’m pretty sure she thinks my soul is doomed to the pits of hell. She brings up salvation in every single conversation we have… Every. Single. One. Uuff. Bless her soul. The day I told her I was in therapy went exactly as I thought it was going to go – meh.
I waited until it was just the two of us and began to share with her how my trauma has impacted me. I explained that I was seeing a therapist to help me during these tough times. She immediately shot me a surprised look. “Que?! Pero porque mija!? Ay, no!!! Que va decir la gente cuando se entere? Como puedes contar a un desconocido cosas tan privadas. No, no, no!!! Esto no esta bien mija. Lo que tu necesitas es Dios en tu vida. El te va ayudar. Mañana mismo vamos a misa para que puedes hablar con el padre”.
Translation: “What?! But why daughter!? What are people going to say when they find out? How can you tell a stranger such personal things? No, no, no!!! This is not right. What you need is God in your life. He will help you. First thing tomorrow we will go to mass so you can speak with the father.”
Understanding Generational Coping Mechanisms
I needed a lot more than God and Ave Marias if I wanted to overcome my trauma and get through my father’s death. However, I was prepared for this response. I had been optimistic in thinking she would be more understanding. Yet we don’t see eye-to-eye on certain things and this is one of them. She loves and cares about me. I can understand where she is coming from, but I can also recognize that we grew up in different times and in different environments. I know she wants the best for me.
What hurt was that she didn’t really believe my trauma could cause PTSD. I remember her saying that you just need to “move on and forget” about what happened. I realized then that this was her coping mechanism which is why talking about her feelings is so uncomfortable for her. Over the months, my mom grew inquisitive about therapy. She started to ask how it worked, how often I met with my therapist, how it felt to share my feelings with another person.
Huge Strides
Over the next year, I made huge strides and took giant risks on myself. I quit my job, traveled for 3 months, did crazy stuff I never thought I’d do, landed a dream job and really started to take control of how I respond to life. My mom completely supported these choices, even leaving to South East Asia for 3 months by myself! My mom has come around since our first conversation about therapy. I think my growth really proved that therapy made a huge impact on my life. She’s a lot more open to the idea of therapy for other people now… but not for herself. We’re working on it and I’m sure we’ll get there.
I share this story to illustrate that there will be those who support you unconditionally from day one of your journey and there will be those who are more reluctant. However, it’s important to acknowledge that they only want what is best for you, even if they have a different perspective. Some may come around, some may not. This is YOUR journey and you will be able to handle anything that is thrown your way.
