What is a Trigger and How Do I Address them
What scared me most about being diagnosed with PTSD were my triggered reactions. I hated who I became when I was triggered. I wouldn’t have gotten through my darkest PTSD days without utilizing a strategy to manage my triggered reactions. Let’s start with what a trigger is in the first place?
What is a Trigger?
A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person to a traumatic event in their past. It may take them back to the same physiological state that they faced in the moment of their trauma. For some people that physiological state can be anxiety, rapid heart rate, being paralyzed by fear, avoidance, an adrenaline rush, shaking violently, or the reaction to defend oneself.
Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. A person’s triggers are activated through one or more of the five senses: sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. A survivor of a traumatic event may avoid situations and stimuli that trigger their memories. They can react to these memory flashbacks with an emotional intensity similar to that of the time the original trauma occurred.
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My Triggered Reactions
After years of neglecting my trauma, my behavior became toxic when I was triggered. I was engulfed in anger and became aggressive. Sometimes I reacted with words, other times with violence.
In therapy, I learned to understand how my body reacted when I was triggered. I felt hot my body tensed up, all as my heart raced out of my chest. Rage and fear began to creep in. My body was immediately ready to defend itself. I was transported to the same state as my traumatic event.
At the time, my boyfriend would unintentionally trigger my trauma. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand how certain things could trigger me. I would react so ugly to situations that didn’t merit that kind of behavior. I started to hate who I was when I reacted this way. Who had I become? I was truly ashamed of myself. And worst, I felt like I couldn’t control it. Insults and toxins spewed like word vomit from me. I felt defective and helpless. I was completely beside myself.
When Did I Become This Person?
My mind began to spiral into a negative feedback loop, where I’d react terribly then believe I was a terrible person. I started to believe the terrible things I told myself. Our minds can be a torture chamber. I started to think I was a piece of garbage. I started to think I was defective and crazy.
Defeated. I was fragile.
In therapy, I would share these raw moments and just cry. I felt like complete trash. Who treats their partner like that? Why am I acting this way? I put a lot of pressure on myself to stop acting out in order to salvage my relationship which only made things worse.
No one could save me. Not my boyfriend, not my therapist, no one – even though I wanted them to. I started to make huge strides once I focused on saving myself instead of salvaging my relationship. I realized the only way to save myself was to change myself and then the real healing began.
The Strategy I Learned in Therapy to Address Triggers
Like most things in life, it took time to develop a strategy to help manage my reactions when I was triggered. Therapy helped me learn to de-escalate myself in order to understand my reactions. I started practicing self-compassion and positive inner dialogue. I became mindful of my emotions and learned to ground myself. My behavior incrementally changed for the better. I was no longer the person I had started to hate. I transformed my relationship with myself, and most importantly, I changed my narrative.
Every person is different and may need a different game plan. This strategy works for me:
- Mindfulness: Learn to identify when you’ve been triggered.
- De-escalation: Ground yourself with deep breathing.
- Self-Compassion: Whether you did or didn’t de-escalate yourself successfully, practice self-compassion
Mindfulness
Everyone carries their emotions differently in their bodies. Some will feel sick to their stomach when they’re nervous or scared. Others get knots in their necks when they’re stressed. Both are examples of how different people carry their emotions physically. It’s important to pay attention to how our bodies react when we are triggered. Do you get tense? Do you freeze? How is your heart rate? Do your back muscles tighten up? Do you feel hot? Determining how our body reacts to triggers is the first step to taking control of our reactions.
I trained myself to be mindful by acknowledging my body and mind through meditation. It helped me become aware of how I felt and why. I was not only learning to clear my mind, but to acknowledge how my body felt. It taught me to be more mindful of my body and helped with associating physical responses to triggers. For example, it became easier for me to acknowledge when my body felt hot and to immediately identify this feeling as a trauma response. Recognizing it in live time is critical for the next step.
De-escalation
Now that you’ve identified that your body is reacting to a trigger, this is where we can prevent the reaction that is normally linked to the psychological state of the traumatic event. Depending on the circumstances, it may be necessary to remove oneself from the situation.
I use a grounding tactic to de-escalate myself called centering breathes. I sit down, place my hands on my quads, and begin to take deep breathes in and out. As I take deep breathes, I try to concentrate on making my deep breathes longer, in for the same count and out for the same count. I focus on the sound of my breathing. Then I begin to focus on how my body feels in the chair I’m sitting in. I focus on how my feet feel connected to the ground. I do this for as long as I need or until I no longer feel the tension in my body from the trigger. This helps calm myself down instead of reacting to the psychological state that the trigger induces.
This method takes practice and I was not always successful at grounding myself. It took some time to really master it. When I failed to ground myself I reacted with the intention to defend myself, usually with words. The next step is the most important to prevent a negative feedback loop.
Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion was especially crucial when I failed to ground myself. As I mentioned earlier, I beat myself up. It’s easy to give into negative dialogue but this is where we need to be strong and practice self-compassion. Instead of being hard on myself like I used to, I started saying encouraging things:
Hey, you recognized the trigger immediately that time, that’s a huge step forward.
We’ll get better at grounding ourselves next time.
This is hard work, you’re doing a great job.
No, but really, this is really difficult and painful work.
You’re putting in the time and effort to be a better person.
I’m proud of you.
You’ll get better at this.
For more ways to practice self-compassion, check out my previous post here.
Final Thoughts
Once I mastered this strategy, I started to feel in control of my life. My behavior completely changed for the better. I stopped letting my trauma define me. I started accepting myself and my experience for what they were – a learning experience. It took all of me to learned I was mentally strong. I learned how to honor my emotions. And most importantly, I chose to stop hating myself and chose to practice how to love myself instead.
This journey will be painful, but I can promise you that you are worth it. You are worth fighting for. Nunca te rindas. Don’t ever give up.
